Funny Wikileaks Cartoons

Funny Political Cartoons

Funny Political Cartoons Of 2010

Funny Political Cartoons about Health Care

Classic Funny Late Night Bush Jokes

"Now there is a new biography of President Bush out, have you heard this? Where it says the president cries a lot. The president said, 'I do tears.' So lets see, he's impulsive, he's stubborn, he's weepy. Sorry Hillary, apparently we already have our first female president." --Bill Maher

Yesterday in Australia, a TV comedian dressed himself up over there as Osama Bin Laden and got within feet of Bush's hotel. They got him, and the Bush spokesman said it was obviously not the real Bin Laden because they caught him." --Bill Maher

"President Bush has embarrassed himself and the nation in Australia today. I don't know if you know this, he was at the APEC convention ... he said it was OPEC. Then he referred to the Australians as the Austrians, and then he almost walked off the edge of the stage and killed himself. He was going to step on a rake and have it hit him on the head, but he was saving that for the French, he said." --Bill Maher "I heard something interesting today. After he leaves office, George W. Bush is going to start a think tank. That's right, it's like Michael Vick opening an animal shelter. Yeah, the George Bush think tank: it only has a shallow end." --David Letterman

"How about that President Bush, he makes that surprise trip to Iraq. Was pretty impressive don't you think? He spent a few quick hours visiting with the troops, and then he left. You know, it was just like his days in the National Guard." --David Letterman

"Things not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law." --Jay Leno

"A report card on Iraq shows progress on only eight of 18 areas. Eight out of 18. And, of course, President Bush is thrilled. That's the best report card he's ever got in his life." --Jay Leno

"This week, President Bush announced he's launching a new campaign to solve the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. When asked why, Bush said, 'It's fun to finally be working on a problem that I didn't cause.'" --Conan O'Brien

"During a concert of the Virginia symphony at the 400th anniversary celebration of Jamestown, President Bush briefly took over conducting the orchestra. Which explains why the orchestra is now four trillion dollars in debt." --Seth Meyers

"President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference. President Bush says he's gonna miss listening to Tony Blair, because when he closes his eyes, Blair sounds just like C3PO." --Conan O'Brien

"This week, a group of Republican congressmen asked President Bush what his 'Plan B' is if the current Iraq plan doesn't work. The 'Plan B' discussion was difficult for Bush, because it involves two areas where he's extremely vulnerable -- Iraq and the alphabet." --Conan O'Brien

"Prime Minister Tony Blair of England just announced that he will step down next month, which means that President Bush is going to lose his closest foreign ally. Bush was sad, and said, 'Now, the only foreign leader I can trust is Arnold Schwarzenegger.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Last night in this state of California, the first Republican debate was held at the Reagan Presidential Library. The candidates tried to distance themselves from President Bush. Apparently, the first step in distancing yourself from President Bush is appearing at a library"--Conan O'Brien

"This is the week that Congress sent the president a bill to bring the troops home, which, of course, as he promised he would do, vetoed it. The president said setting a deadline for withdrawal was setting a date for failure. And we all know, this is a president who likes his failures unplanned and spur-of-the-moment." --Bill Maher

"Congress has finally passed a bill that requires troops to start leaving Iraq. ... Bush has not had a challenge like this since Laura poured his Wild Turkey down the toilet." --Bill Maher

"Sanjaya has quite a weekend ahead of him. He's going to the White House Correspondents' dinner on Saturday night, which means there's a really good chance he will meet President Bush. It's crazy to think that a guy who did not get the most votes, who's not good at what he does, is famous despite the fact that he is consistently horrible, would get the chance to go to the White House and meet Sanjaya." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bush visited Walter Reed today. When you've got a problem like Walter Reed that needs solving, what better sight than to see George Bush walk through the door? ... He's created so many disasters, I'm not sure he knows which is which anymore. He walked into Walter Reed, and he said he wanted to have it ready for next year's Mardi Gras." --Bill Maher

"President Bush has big April Fools' Day plans. He's going to call Alberto Gonzales and tell him he's doing a heckuva a job." --David Letterman

"At a Washington museum, a new exhibit is about to open that features a first-grade report card of President Bush's where he received straight A's. This sounds impressive, but President Bush was 23 at the time." --Conan O'Brien

"Finally, someone from the Bush family has enlisted. George Prescott Bush, the president's nephew, has enlisted in the Navy. The Navy is a tradition in the Bush family. The first president Bush was a Navy pilot. The current President Bush spends money like a drunken sailor." --Bill Maher

"The president is ... on a five-nation tour of Latin America. A lot of people are saying while he's below the border, what a great time to build that wall." --Bill Maher

"To give you an idea of how popular he is not ... in South America, he's going to visit on Monday the sacred Mayan ruins, and after he leaves the Mayan priests are going to perform a purification ceremony to get rid of the bad spirits. And if it works there, they're going to try it in Iraq, New Orleans, Guantanamo Bay, Ground Zero and the atmosphere of the planet Earth." --Bill Maher

Funny Obama Political Cartoons

Funny Internet Facts About President Obama-True Or Not?

1.) He won a Grammy Award in 2006 for Best Spoken Word Recording. It was for the audio version of his book Dreams From My Father.

2.) He and his wife bought a house in Chicago in 2005. Back then it cost $1.65 million. The house has 4 fireplaces.

3.) He doesn’t like ice-cream. He worked in Baskin-Robbins as a teenager. That’s where his distaste for ice-cream comes from.

4.) He loves playing Scrabble. He never commented on how good he is, though.

5.) He is bi-racial. He was born to a Kenyan father and a white American mother. In his book Dreams From My Father he writes that he barely noticed the racial difference between his mum and dad in his young age.

6.) He experimented with drugs. Back in his early years he tried marijuana and cocaine. According to his own words he is not proud of it and considers it a mistake as a young man.

7.) He smokes but wants to quit. After all, there is a non-smoking policy in the White House.

8.) He was born in Honolulu, Hawaii but went to live in Indonesia with his mum when the parents divorced. There he was introduced to dog meat, snake meat, and roasted grasshopper.

9.) According to his wife Michelle he is very romantic. He is not a door opener but he remembers every anniversary and brings her flowers all the time.

10.) Every night when he is at home he reads the Harry Potter books to his oldest daughter Malia.

Funny Barack Obama Jokes-Late Night Comics

"Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama is our new president. And I think I speak for most Americans when I say, anybody mind if he starts a little early?" --David Letterman

"And, of course, it was a huge celebration over at Barack Obama headquarters, otherwise known as MSNBC." --Jay Leno

"You know, do you realize this is our first black president since the first season of '24'?" --Jay Leno

"And people were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will have chosen all 12 of his disciples." --Jay Leno

"Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." --Jon Stewart, on Barack Obama's Middle East trip

"According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama." --Jay Leno

"And how about last night on all the major television networks, Barack Obama has a half-hour infomercial TV special. I mean, thank God. It's about time this guy got some media coverage, don't you think?" —David Letterman

"The show was very well done. I got to admit, I especially liked the end, where Barack rose to the heavens on a cloud. Wasn't that unbelievable?" --Jay Leno

"The Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

"The presidential debate was a town hall format, which is John McCain's favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama's favorite way, a Sermon on the Mount." –Jay Leno

"Barack Obama said today the government's $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. Barack Obama says he knows that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fund raisers to come up with that kind of money." --Jay Leno

"Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like they have fake names. Apparently, the fakest-sounding name is Barack Obama." –Conan O'Brien

From David Letterman's Top Ten Questions on the Barack Obama Running Mate Application: #9: "Do you have any crazy clergymen we should know about?"

"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"Both McCain and Senator Barack Obama are trying to woo voters who are outside their natural demographic. In this election, for Senator Obama, that means trying to reach working class, non-Muslim white women who love America." --Jon Stewart

Funny Political Jokes About South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford

"At a press conference yesterday, in case you don't know, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted to having a mistress from Argentina. That's right. Yeah, then there was an awkward moment as he waited for someone to give him a high five." --Conan O'Brien

"Governor Sanford may have broken the law, that's the latest. Yeah, they say he may have broken the law because he left the country without transferring power to his lieutenant governor. Yeah, he didn't transfer power. Yeah, apparently Sanford violated South Carolina's sacred bros before hoes law." --Conan O'Brien

"A British furniture company was caught trying to slip advertisements into Twitter by linking them to the Iranian election crisis. Isn't that the lowest? Yeah, probably the most shameless had to be, 'Tired of all the unrest? Try our Serta Perfect Sleeper.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There's another new development in the Mark Sanford story. His wife, Jenny, kicked him out of their home when she heard about the affair. In response, Hillary Clinton said, 'Wait. You can do that? No one told me that.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"The governor of South Carolina, yesterday, his name is Mark Sanford, he had been missing for four days. He admitted he was visiting his mistress in Argentina, which I think is outrageous. How dare this man, a married man, in this economy, outsource to a foreign country when there are plenty of slutty women living right here in the United States. Am I right, fellow Americans?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"People are calling him a hypocrite, because he's another family values politician having an affair, but I don't see it in political terms. I'm just embarrassed for my gender. Ladies, if you want to know what it's like being a guy, think about the fact that there's a man, the governor of a good-sized state, who asked himself, 'Hmm, can I sneak off to Argentina for a week with my lover without anybody finding out?' And somehow came up with the answer 'yes.' I hope that gives you a sense of what we're up against." --Jimmy Kimmel

David Letterman Late Night Funny Political Jokes

"GM is phasing out Pontiac. You know what that means? Another $20 million bonus for the head of GM" --David Letterman

"We're getting close to President Obama's first 100 days in office, and he has had to deal with a lot of trouble, including a global financial crisis, pirates, and swine flu. Plus, Obama's got a live-in mother-in-law. I'm telling you, this guy cannot catch a break." --David Letterman

"Yes, Obama is marking 100 days as the leader of the free world. Meanwhile, John McCain was putting his Glenn Miller records in storage today." --David Letterman

"I think this is a first for President Obama. This weekend he played golf. President Obama apparently, and at one point, and this happens, you know, you play golf, he got stuck really deep in a sand trap. Same thing happened to George Bush, and it's called Iraq." --David Letterman

"Now, here's the difference between President Obama and our previous Democratic president, President Clinton. President Obama enjoyed playing a round of golf. President Clinton just enjoyed playing around." --David Letterman

"I was surprised. Obama is a pretty good golfer. And he missed a couple of putts, or he would have broken 90. Could have broken 90. Missed a couple of putts. Speaking of a couple of putz, anybody hear anything of Bush and Cheney?" --David Letterman

Funny Political Jokes

"George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have announced their going to have a debate. They already have a name for it -- 'Alienated vs. Predator.'" --Craig Ferguson

"It’s World Penguin Day. Penguins are important. It’s true. Some say John McCain lost the election due to his resemblance to The Penguin from Batman." --Craig Ferguson

"Yesterday was 'Take Your Kid to Work Day.' It used to be 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day,' but political correctness took over. Thanks to the economy, there’s a new special day for parents and kids – 'Take Your Child to Where You Used to Work Day.' This day shows that daddy and mommy didn’t always just sit around in their underwear." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The White House was on lockdown because a small plane flew into restricted airspace. Say what you want, but Dick Cheney would have shot that thing down." --Jimmy Fallon

"Obama was on the news today speaking about college spending. He’s proposing a new budget '' $15 billion for college loans, $20 billion for Ramen Noodles." --Jimmy Fallon

"Crime is down in New York City. Tomorrow criminals head down to Washington to request a bailout." --David Letterman

"Today is the 81st birthday of Madam Tussauds wax museum. Biggest collection of wax figures since 'The View.'" --David Letterman

"In economic news, ExxonMobil's profit last year was $45 billion. In second place was the company that makes those foreclosure signs." --David Letterman

Funny Late Night Political Jokes

Funny Political Jokes From Jay Leno

"Whew! Last night, I had that great new drink, the Navy Seal. Three shots -- boom -- and you're done." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the Somali pirates were all 'untrained teenagers with heavy weapons,' or as we call them in this country, rap stars." --Jay Leno

"As you know by now, Captain Phillips was rescued when Navy Seals shot and killed three of the pirates, although, according to Phil Spector's attorney, the pirates shot themselves in the head." --Jay Leno

"There was some nice news this week. The Obamas got a new dog. It's a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Now, don't confuse that with what Dick Cheney had. That was a waterboarding dog. That was totally different." --Jay Leno

"You know, Portuguese water dogs are very intelligent animals. In fact, some White House Cabinet officials have already taught it how to get out of paying taxes." --Jay Leno

"And today, President Obama gave a speech on the economy, saying there would be more pain now, but hope later, to which pro basketball's Los Angeles Clippers said, 'Hey, that's our slogan.'" --Jay Leno

"Scientists from the University of Padova, in Italy, announced this week that baby chicks have the ability to do basic arithmetic and can add basic numbers together. You know, it's bad enough our public school kids can't compete with kids in China and Japan. Now we're losing to poultry in Italy? This is bad. We need to get better schools." --Jay Leno


Funny Political Jokes From David Letterman

"I'm glad you folks are here. We had a tough crowd last night. In fact, right in the middle of the show, I had to be rescued by Navy Seals." --David Letterman

"How about those Navy Seals, though? They rescued Captain Stubing, Gopher, Doc and guest star Charo." --David Letterman

"And now, there is serious trouble there off the coast of Somalia. Other pirates have vowed to avenge the death of their colleagues. Colleagues? What is this, a rotary club? What is this, a faculty meeting?" --David Letterman

"Anybody been to the New York Auto Show this week? I'll tell you, I'm worried about the American automobile industry. Are you a little worried about the auto industry? Even the cars, the American cars, when you see them at the automobile show there on the turntable, they are only getting eight miles to the gallon." --David Letterman

"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman

"A new dog in the White House. I believe there hasn't been a dog in the White House since that pack of semi-domesticated wolves that Cheney kept in his dungeon." --David Letterman



Funny Political Jokes From Jimmy Fallon

"I saw this today. President Obama gave a major speech on the economy and, once again, he promised Americans change, specifically pennies, nickels, dimes, and stuff like that." --Jimmy Fallon

"General Motors is recalling 1.5 million vehicles, because they say the engines could catch on fire. Well, luckily, no one bought any of them." --Jimmy Fallon

"A new report shows that a bag of heroin can be cheaper than a six-pack of beer. That's really good news and bad news for Amy Winehouse." --Jimmy Fallon


Funny Political Jokes From Jimmy Kimmel
"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Scott MacIntyre, a blind contestant, was recently voted off 'American Idol.' But he still has an inspirational story. He showed that in this country, even someone who can't see can grow up to finish eighth on 'American Idol,' and who knows, may even become governor of New York if the previous governor gets caught with a hooker." --Jimmy Kimmel

Funny Late Night Political Jokes

"As you may have heard, the state of California is broke. So you're looking at massive state layoffs now because the legislature hasn't been able to come up with a budget. The state is $42 billion in the hole. You know, I'm no financial expert, but if you have no money and no prospects of making money and you owe $42 billion, you're way beyond putting yourself on a budget, O.K.? I think you're looking at faking your own death at this point." --Jay Leno

"Critics say the problem is people don't understand what is in the budget. Well, of course, we don't understand. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is explaining this to us. 'Yeah, da budget is here with da money. You see, with da hydrogen and da green people, sometime you take it from here, and you put here, with da solar power!'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, the market went up three points today, so the stimulus package is working. Yeah! It's a miracle!" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, President Obama signed the stimulus bill in Denver, Colorado. He picked Denver because our debt is now a mile high." --Jay Leno

"President Obama, today, outlined his plan to deal with the mortgage mess and the housing crisis. The good news -- he thinks he's found a solution. The bad news -- it involves arson." --Jay Leno

"And the idea of nationalizing banks is becoming more popular with some lawmakers and economists. They say they're leaning towards the Swedish model for banks. You know, I've got a better idea. How about opening banks with all Swedish models." --Jay Leno

"Well, here's the latest on the bailout. Democrats may have to bail Senator Roland Burris out of jail." --Jay Leno

"More bad news for Senator Burris. Now, the Chicago Sun-Times is calling for his resignation. Remember, he was appointed by Governor Blagojevich. Now he could be in trouble for perjury and for giving conflicting statements in his testimony about campaign contributions. See, that's the trouble with politicians. They think the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth are three different things." --Jay Leno

"The New York Times is reporting that, in his last days in office, Vice President Dick Cheney repeatedly went to President Bush to try to get him to pardon Scooter Libby, and he was furious that Bush wouldn't do it. They say Cheney is now bitter. Yeah, as opposed to the happy go lucky zippity-do-da Cheney." --Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"In an interview with Fox News, Gov. Sarah Palin's daughter, 18-year-old Bristol Palin -- remember Bristol Palin, who had the baby? Well, she talked in the interview. She said, 'A year ago, I never would have thought I would become a mom or that my mom was going to be chosen to be a vice presidential candidate.' Oddly enough, both things happened because some guy failed to take the proper precautions." --Jay Leno

"And Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in Asia. She is in Japan, or as Bill was heard telling a woman in a bar last night, 'We're separated.'" --Jay Leno

"America's auto makers have asked the government -- remember when America's auto makers flew into Washington in their private jets and said, 'We're busted. We'd like several hundred billion dollars.' Well, they're coming back again. They're asking for $22 billion in additional taxpayer money. I mean, these guys are like the world's most expensive brother-in-law, you know?" --David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton is on her first world trip around the world as secretary of state. She's on tour in Asia. Hillary's in Asia. Bill's in heaven." --David Letterman

"Right now, Hillary is visiting China. She's trying to stop the proliferation of doorknob menus." --David Letterman

"President Obama was in Arizona today, talking about his plan to help ease the home mortgage crisis. It seemed like a strange place to announce his plan, since most of the homes in Arizona are owned by John McCain." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Obama has now addressed two of the three major issues that he said would have to be addressed in order to avert a financial disaster. The first was getting the stimulus package passed. The second was addressing the housing crisis and the third is to get all of us to eat our pets. And I've got a cage full of hamsters that are starting to look absolutely delicious." --Jimmy Kimmel

"A lot of individual states are having budget problems right now. California in particular is a mess. Governor Schwarzenegger can't get fellow Republicans to vote for his compromise plan because it includes a big tax increase. And he's already done everything he can possibly do to convince them. He told them he'll 'be back,' he said, 'Hasta la vista, baby.' He even threatened to terminate them, several times, to no avail." --Jimmy Kimmel

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Good news and bad news for Sarah Palin. The bad news is that the IRS says she owes thousands of dollars in back taxes. The good news is that she now qualifies to be in Obama’s Cabinet." --Craig Ferguson

Funny Political Late Night Joke

Feb. 3, 2009

"Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is on the show tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I hope that thing on his head doesn't bite me." --David Letterman

"I like Blagojevich. He looks like your neighbor who never returns the tools. Blagojevich looks like a guy at K-Mart who says, 'The best we can do is store credit.'" --David Letterman

"Aren't you tired of bad economic news, ladies and gentlemen? Well, here is some good economic news. President Obama has a great new economic plan. Here's what he's going to do. He's going to make all the cabinet members that he has selected pay their back taxes." --David Letterman

"Tom Daschle has withdrawn his cabinet nomination because he had some tax problems. Forgot about $150,000. Remember the old days, when politicians got in trouble for having sex with pages. Those days seem pretty sweet now, don't they?" --David Letterman

"The New York Post is reporting that Bernard Madoff's family is so upset with his actions in this Ponzi scheme, they're thinking of changing the family name to something less offensive, like bin Laden." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. Post Office announced they could run out of cash by the end of the year. They said they're in serious danger of becoming a bank. That's how bad it is." --Jay Leno

"I tell you, the economy is so bad, even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes." --Jay Leno

"Today, Tom Daschle withdrew his nomination for secretary of health and human services after being forced to pay $128,000 in back taxes. Daschle was extremely upset because now it looks like he paid his taxes for nothin'!" --Jay Leno

"You know what really did Tom Daschle in? It turns out there are now pictures of him partying with Michael Phelps." --Jay Leno

"And tax problems for another Obama nominee. Nancy Killefer has withdrawn her nomination as White House chief performance officer. Not only did she not pay her taxes, she had a tax lien put on her house by the government. Where is Obama getting these nominees? Old episodes of 'Cops'?" --Jay Leno

"You realize Obama would have less tax problems if he had nominated Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes. They actually have better records than most of these people." --Jay Leno

"This is kind of frightening. Al Gore told Congress last week the global warming scenario is worse than previously predicted. Worse than predicted? Wasn't the first prediction we're all going to fry to death? Huh? What's worse than that? Is it going to be humid, too? Is that it?" --Jay Leno

"And it was on this very day in 1690 that the very first paper money in America was issued in Massachusetts. It was issued by a man named Merrill Lynch, who used the money to give himself the first huge bonus." --Jay Leno

"And the Smithsonian Institute wants the hat that Aretha Franklin wore at President Obama's inauguration. They want to put the hat on display, and they will take possession of the hat as soon as they can build a new wing to house it. " --Jay Leno

"This weekend, the Republican National Committee elected their first-ever African-American chairman. His name is Michael Steele, or as he's known in the Republican Party, 'the black guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, Tom Daschle withdrew his nomination to be the Health and Human Services Secretary after it was revealed he didn't pay back taxes. Yeah. So, President Obama says now it's down to his second and third choices, Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes." --Conan O'Brien

"Sen. John McCain is denying a rumor that his wife Cindy will be a contestant on the upcoming season of 'Dancing with the Stars.' When asked why, McCain said: 'Dance? Are you kidding? I've never even seen her blink.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The producers of this year's Academy Awards are worried about the ratings, so they are making several changes to the show to try to increase viewership. For instance, this year's broadcast will be called 'American Idol Presents the Oscars, Hosted by Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama, before Sunday's Super Bowl, did an interview with Matt Lauer, during which he predicted the Steelers would win a squeaker, and sure enough, they did. So it's a shame he didn't bet the deficit on the game." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Apparently, the President has a half brother named George Obama, who lives in Kenya, and George Obama was arrested on Saturday for possession of marijuana. He was walking around the village telling people his brother was the President, so they assumed he was high and arrested him." --Jimmy Kimmel

"How great is that, though? One brother is the President of the United States, the other is a stoner in Kenya. If that isn't a sitcom, I don't know what is." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And by the way, is Africa really the place you want to get the munchies? It isn't." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It was a great day for us here at the show but not a great day for Batman, or as he's known in real life, actor Christian Bale. Bale was all over the Internet today. Have you heard that tape? We can't play it for you, because some of the language is not appropriate for TV. Almost everyone who's heard this tape says it's offensive, but former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich disagreed, calling it 'amateur,' and 'not cussy enough.'" --Craig Ferguson

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Funny Songs----Comedy Central-Jokes.com---2009 Dodge Ram----Advertise Here and 25 Other Sites!

Funny Political Jokes Late Night Political Roast| Letterman

"Couple of days ago in New Jersey, there were UFO sightings. Believe me, it's not an invasion. The aliens are actually here because they want some of that Federal bailout money." --David Letterman

"Do you have your tickets for the inauguration down in Washington? I sent in early. I sent the money in. I got my tickets back, lousy seats. You know where they put me? I'm right between Govs. Spitzer and Blagojevich." --David Letterman

"You know for each inauguration, the President adds his own little touches, his own signature note to the proceedings. For example, maybe you don't remember this but for the first Clinton inauguration, ladies drank free." --David Letterman

"Vice President-elect Joe Biden is already getting acquainted with his new responsibility as Vice President. And he's starting every afternoon at 3:00. He picks up Sasha and Malia from school." --David Letterman

"It looks like Barack Obama wants the surgeon general to be Sanjay Gupta, the TV doctor. Are you familiar with Sanjay? I went to see him a couple of years ago because I had an inflamed gupta." --David Letterman

"But Sanjay Gupta says if he becomes the surgeon general the first thing he wants to do is warn people about one thing — the Regis Philbin show in high def. He said it could cause nausea and headaches." --David Letterman

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Funny Political Cartoons A Political Roast Pick

Here are some funny political Cartoons of the week!






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Funny George Bush Shoe Throwing Jokes from the Late Night Comedians

Now this is a Political Roast!

"George Bush is over there in Baghdad saying goodbye to the troops, and this Iraqi journalist heaves a couple shoes at the President. And we thought, hopefully that's just a one-of-a-kind episode. Unfortunately, however, the news coming out of the Middle East is that Iran is developing a long-range loafer." --David Letterman

"People are still discussing the shoe-throwing incident at our president. ... It was reported today that the Iraqi journalist who threw the shoes at President Bush had his arm broken when security subdued him. And even worse, it was his shoe-throwing arm. That guy is out for the season." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush announced before he leaves office, he wants to visit the poorest regions of the world. You know, any place where people can't afford to buy shoes." --Jay Leno "That Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush the other day said he planned his attack for months. Planned it for months? That's what he said! I mean, take off one shoe. You throw it. You throw the other shoe. He planned it for months. And he still missed both times!" --Jay Leno


"The guy is being called a hero in the Arab world. So, he has this plan and it's a failure. And he's a hero. You know, if that's the standard, Bush would be the biggest hero in the Arab world." --Jay Leno

"Today, President Bush told reporters that the shoe-throwing incident was one of the weirdest moments of his presidency. Yeah, Bush said the only thing weirder was the time he got re-elected." --Conan O'Brien

"Have you watched this tape? Some people are criticizing the Secret Service, because the shoe thrower caught them off guard. The man was able to throw a second shoe. A spokesman for the Secret Service said, 'Sorry, but we were laughing our asses off.'" –Conan O'Brien

"This is the country we thought had nuclear weapons. It turns out they have a pair of size 9 Hush Puppies instead." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It's not just President Bush, today somebody threw a pair of shoes at Sarah Palin. And she was very upset. She said, 'Do you have these in black?' and threw them back." --Jay Leno

"I've got to give President Bush credit for this, because he's taking it all pretty well. He says that he's actually happy about the shoe-throwing episode, because he says it proves finally that Iraq does, in fact, possess foot wear of mass destruction." --David Letterman

"It turns out this guy was described as a hot head. He's a guy who is an Iraqi journalist. They say he's a hot head with poor journalistic skills. Well, no surprise, today he was offered his own show on Fox News." --David Letterman

"Well, folks, looks like we finally found something President Bush is good at. Dodgeball!" --Jay Leno

"As you know, yesterday in Iraq, President Bush was attacked by a 'shoe-icide' bomber. President Bush was speaking at a news conference in Iraq when a journalist threw two shoes at him [on screen: the video of Bush having shoes thrown at him]. You see what President Bush did? You see what he did to keep from being hit? Something he's never done before. Lean to the left. He's never done that." --Jay Leno

"You got to admit, whatever you think of the guy, he's got good reflexes. Even Bill Clinton was impressed. You know, Clinton's an expert at ducking shoes, ashtrays, lamps. Everything." --Jay Leno

"Now, here's my question, and no offense here, but where was the Secret Service? I mean, shouldn't they at least have jumped in front of the second shoe? I mean, you know what I'm saying? Come on. Seriously. Aren't these guys supposed to take a bullet for the president?" --Jay Leno

"See, that's when Bush realized he was on his way out, when the Secret Service are going, 'Yeah, we're guarding the new guy now.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, here's my favorite part. Cable news just over-thinks this. On CNN, they brought in an expert on Iraqi culture. And he said, 'Let me clarify what happened here.' He said, 'In the Arab world, throwing your shoes at someone's head is considered an insult.' Oh, really? As opposed to here in America, where it's a huge compliment." --Jay Leno

"Well, the interesting thing was the journalist who threw the shoe was immediately arrested, and then offered his own show on MSNBC." --Jay Leno

"Bush is in Baghdad, he's having a press conference, and a guy, a reporter from Iraq jumps up and starts heaving shoes at the guy. And in Iraqi, or Arabic, he starts screaming, 'Here's your farewell kiss, you dog!' That's what the guy says. I mean, it was the same goodbye I got from NBC." --David Letterman

"Right now, they're trying to find out, they arrested the guy, trying to find out if he's a Shoe-ni or a Shoe-ite. But it's the same old story. You hear this over and over again, a guy, this crazy guy, goes into a Payless store, he purchases a pair of Rockport shoes, and they didn't even do a background check on him." --David Letterman

"You've got to give Bush credit. I mean, the guy moved pretty quickly. ... Too bad he didn't react that way with bin Laden or Katrina, bin Laden or the mortgage crisis, bin Laden or Afghanistan, bin Laden or the Lehman Brothers." --David Letterman

I don't think Bush really has dodged anything like that, well, since the Vietnam War." --David Letterman

"Yesterday, at a press conference in Baghdad, an angry Iraqi threw his shoes at President Bush's head. Yeah, when he saw the shoes, President Bush said, 'See, I knew you guys had weapons of mass destruction." --Conan O'Brien

"The man who threw his shoes at President Bush is being hailed as a hero in Iraq. In fact, when he dies, he'll be greeted in heaven by 72 podiatrists." --Conan O'Brien

"The shoe-throwing incident has made Sarah Palin want to be president even more. Free shoes! You betcha!" --Craig Ferguson

"Of course, the big story over the weekend is that President Bush had that press conference in Iraq, which turned into 'Shoe-pocalypse Now.'" --Craig Ferguson

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