Funny Barack Obama Jokes-Late Night Comics

"Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama is our new president. And I think I speak for most Americans when I say, anybody mind if he starts a little early?" --David Letterman

"And, of course, it was a huge celebration over at Barack Obama headquarters, otherwise known as MSNBC." --Jay Leno

"You know, do you realize this is our first black president since the first season of '24'?" --Jay Leno

"And people were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will have chosen all 12 of his disciples." --Jay Leno

"Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." --Jon Stewart, on Barack Obama's Middle East trip

"According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama." --Jay Leno

"And how about last night on all the major television networks, Barack Obama has a half-hour infomercial TV special. I mean, thank God. It's about time this guy got some media coverage, don't you think?" —David Letterman

"The show was very well done. I got to admit, I especially liked the end, where Barack rose to the heavens on a cloud. Wasn't that unbelievable?" --Jay Leno

"The Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

"The presidential debate was a town hall format, which is John McCain's favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama's favorite way, a Sermon on the Mount." –Jay Leno

"Barack Obama said today the government's $700 billion bailout should not be a blank check. Barack Obama says he knows that $700 billion is a lot of money. In fact, it would take him at least 10 Hollywood fund raisers to come up with that kind of money." --Jay Leno

"Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like they have fake names. Apparently, the fakest-sounding name is Barack Obama." –Conan O'Brien

From David Letterman's Top Ten Questions on the Barack Obama Running Mate Application: #9: "Do you have any crazy clergymen we should know about?"

"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"Both McCain and Senator Barack Obama are trying to woo voters who are outside their natural demographic. In this election, for Senator Obama, that means trying to reach working class, non-Muslim white women who love America." --Jon Stewart

Presidential Trivia

Barack Obama is the first African American to be elected president of the United States.

When he takes office, Barack Obama, who was born in Hawaii, will be the only president who was not born in the continental United States.
The oldest elected president was Reagan (age 69); the youngest was Kennedy (age 43). Theodore Roosevelt, however, was the youngest man to become president—he was 42 when he succeeded McKinley, who had been assassinated. THE OLDEST LIVING former president was Gerald Ford, who was born on July 14, 1913, and died on Dec.27, 2006, at age 93. The second oldest was Ronald Reagan, who also lived to be 93 years.

The tallest president was Lincoln at 6'4"; at 5'4", Madison was the shortest.


There have been seven left-handed presidents: James A. Garfield, Herbert Hoover, Harry S. Truman, Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. Barack Obama is also a southpaw.
Fourteen Presidents served as vice presidents: J. Adams, Jefferson, Van Buren, Tyler, Fillmore, A. Johnson, Arthur, T. Roosevelt, Coolidge, Truman, Nixon, L. Johnson, Ford, and George H.W. Bush.

Vice Presidents were originally the presidential candidates receiving the second-largest number of electoral votes. The Twelfth Amendment, passed in 1804, changed the system so that the electoral college voted separately for president and vice president. The presidential candidate, however, gradually gained power over the nominating convention to choose his own running mate.

For two years the nation was run by a president and a vice president who were not elected by the people. After Vice President Spiro T. Agnew resigned in 1973, President Nixon appointed Gerald Ford as vice president. Nixon resigned the following year, which left Ford as president, and Ford's appointed vice president, Nelson Rockefeller, as second in line.

Four Presidents won the popular vote but lost the presidency: Andrew Jackson won the popular vote but lost the election to John Quincy Adams (1824); Samuel J. Tilden won the popular vote but lost the election to Rutherford B. Hayes (1876); Grover Cleveland won the popular vote but lost the election to Benjamin Harrison (1888); Al Gore won the popular vote but lost the election to George W. Bush (2000).

The term "First Lady" was first used in 1877 in reference to Lucy Ware Webb Hayes. Most First Ladies, including Jackie Kennedy, are said to have hated the label.

James Buchanan was the only president never to marry. Five presidents remarried after the death of their first wives—two of whom, Tyler and Wilson, remarried while in the White House. Reagan was the only divorced president. Six presidents had no children. Tyler—father of fifteen—had the most.

Presidents Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, and Kennedy were assassinated in office.

Assassination attempts were made on the lives of Jackson, T. Roosevelt, F. Roosevelt, Truman, Ford, and Reagan.

Eight Presidents died in office: W. Harrison (after having served only one month), Taylor, Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Harding, F. Roosevelt, and Kennedy.

Presidents Adams, Jefferson, and Monroe all died on the 4th of July; Coolidge was born on that day.

Kennedy and Taft are the only presidents buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

Political Roast:Late Night Political Jokes Conan O'Brien

"This week President Bush hosted the annual White House Hanukkah party. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when Bush made a wish and blew out all eight candles." --Conan O'Brien

Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year, and it's Ed Begley Jr." --Conan O'Brien

"Gay leaders are furious at Barack Obama because he picked an anti-gay minister to deliver a prayer during the inauguration ceremony. Yeah. Gay leaders are also furious at Obama because the tie he's planning to wear is all wrong." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is hosting a lunch next month with President-elect Obama and all the former presidents. Isn't that cool? Yeah. Bush said, 'I invited all 43 guys, but only four responded.' He doesn't know what happened." --Conan O'Brien

"According to a new survey that just came out, the most admired profession is doctor. Doctor is the most admired profession. Yeah. The least admired profession? Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich's barber." --Conan O'Brien

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The 25 Dumbest Quotes of 2008-Idiotic Political Quotes

25. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." —President George W. Bush, in an interview with the Jerusalem Post, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

24. "I've now been in 57 states — I think one left to go." —Barack Obama, at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon, May 9, 2008

23. "[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." —Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008



22. "There was an energy bill on the floor of the Senate loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney. You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one." —John McCain, referring to Barack Obama during the second presidential debate, Nashville, Tennessee, Oct. 7, 2008

21. "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." —Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008

20. "When I was in college, we used to take a popcorn popper, because that was the only thing they would let us use in the dorm, and we would fry squirrels in a popcorn popper in the dorm room." —Mick Huckabee, interview on MSNBC's "Morning Joe," Jan. 16, 2008

19. "See, Barack's been talking down to black people on this faith-based...I want to cut his nuts off." —Jesse Jackson, caught on an open mic whispering to a colleague about Barack Obama, whom he was criticizing for lecturing African Americans about taking more responsibility for raising children, July 6, 2008

18. "We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." —Hillary Clinton, rejecting calls for her to drop out of the Democratic presidential race, citing the 1968 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as evidence that the lengthy Democratic nominating process was not unprecedented, interview with the editorial board of South Dakota's Sioux Falls Argus-Leader, May 23, 2008

17. "I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody." —Barack Obama, defending his tax plan to Joe the Plumber, who argued that Obama's policy hurts small-business owners like himself, Toledo, Ohio, Oct. 12, 2008

16. (tie) "So?" —Vice President Dick Cheney, responding to an ABC News correspondent who cited a poll showing that most Americans do not believe the Iraq War was worth fighting, March 19, 2008

And:

"So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008

15. "For the first time in my adult lifetime I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change." —Michelle Obama, Madison, Wisconsin, Feb. 18, 2008

14. "You know, I think you may have noticed that Senator Obama's supporters have been saying some pretty nasty things about Western Pennsylvania lately. And you know, I couldn't agree with them more. I couldn't disagree with you. I couldn't agree with you more than the fact that Western Pennsylvania is the most patriotic, most god-loving, most, most patriotic part of America, and this is a great part of the country." —John McCain Moon Township, Penn., Oct. 21, 2008

13. "Make it a hundred...That would be fine with me." –John McCain, to a questioner who asked if he supported President Bush's vision for keeping U.S. troops in Iraq for 50 years, Derry, New Hampshire, Jan. 3, 2008

12. "We have sort of become a nation of whiners." —McCain economic adviser Phil Gramm, on worries about the slumping economy, adding that the current downturn is a "mental recession," Washington Times interview, July 9, 2008

11. "Can I explain to you what happened? First of all it happened during a period after she was in remission from cancer." —former Sen. John Edwards, on cheating on his wife, ABC News interview, Aug. 8, 2008

10. "I think — I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you." —John McCain after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, interview with Politico, Las Cruces, N.M., Aug. 20, 2008

9. "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me." —Joe Biden, speaking at a town hall meeting in Nashua, New Hampshire, Sept. 10, 2008

8. "We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." —Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008

7. "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008

6. "It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." –Barack Obama, speaking at a San Francisco fundraiser about his troubles winning over some small-town, working-class voters, April 11, 2008

5. "Well, let's see. There's — of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but —" —Sarah Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008

4. "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base." –Hillary Clinton on visiting Bosnia in 1996, contradicting other accounts that said there was no threat of gunfire. Clinton later said she "misspoke"

3. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." —Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008

2. "I'm just not giving it up for f***in' nothing. I'm not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there." ... "Give this motherf****r Obama his senator? F**k him. For nothing. F**k him.'" —Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, recorded in a federal wiretap trying to sell Barack Obama's Senate seat. The day before his arrest, he invited authorities to tape his conversations, saying there is "nothing but sunshine hanging over me."

1. "Our economy, I think, is still — the fundamentals of our economy are strong." —John McCain, Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008

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Barely Political-T.I.- WHATEVER YOU LIKE SPOOF!

Barely Political-T.I.- WHATEVER YOU LIKE SPOOF!
NEVER in my life seen a candidate win so quickly. My original spoof of T.I.'s "whatever you like" as BARACK OBAMA the first Black and 44th President of the United States!Read More To Watch Video!

Barely Political-T.I.- WHATEVER YOU LIKE SPOOF!





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Barack Obama on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Barack Obama on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Little Did Jay Leno know he was interveiwing the next President of the United States! Read More to Watch Video!


Barack Obama on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Barack Obama appears on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. October 17, 2007




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MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad

Very Funny-MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad
Read More to watch funny video!


MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad



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COMPARE THE CANDIDATES

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Is Obama aunt from Kenya living in US illegally ?

Obama aunt from Kenya living in US illegally - Was instructed to leave the United States by a U.S. immigration judge

WASHINGTON - Barack Obama's aunt, a Kenyan woman who has been quietly living in public housing in Boston, is in the United States illegally after an immigration judge rejected her request for asylum four years ago, The Associated Press has learned.
Zeituni Onyango, 56, referred to as "Aunti Zeituni" in Obama's memoir, was instructed to leave the United States by a U.S. immigration judge who denied her asylum request, a person familiar with the matter told the AP late Friday. This person spoke on condition of anonymity because no one was authorized to discuss Onyango's case. It was not immediately clear how Onyango might have qualified for public housing with a standing deportation order. More...
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Payback Time: Journalists From Three Newspapers Booted From Obama's Plane

Journalists from three major newspapers that endorsed John McCain have reportedly been booted from Barack Obama's campaign plane for the final leg of the presidential race.
The Washington Times reported Friday that it was notified of the Obama campaign's decision Thursday evening -- even though the paper has covered Obama from the start. Executive Editor John Solomon told FOXNews.com that the Obama campaign said it didn't have enough seats on the plane, but "I don't think the explanation makes sense to us." "We've been traveling since 2007 with him. ... We're a relevant newspaper -- every day we break news," Solomon said. "And to suddenly be kicked off the plane for people who haven't covered it as aggressively or thoroughly as we are ... it sort of feels unfair." More...

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Man commits suicide - Leaves note: Obama take care of my family

EL PASO - A man who jumped 60 feet to his death from the Spaghetti Bowl on Thursday left a note with a message for Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama.
A note to "Obama" was found in the man's car, which was parked on the top ramp of the Spaghetti Bowl. Officials offered no further explanation nor interpreted the note's meaning. About 7:45 a.m., police responded to a report that the 52-year-old El Paso man had jumped off the uppermost ramp of the Spaghetti Bowl. His body was found on I-10 west just before the Copia Street exit. His name was not released.
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Newspaper: “Obama Wins!” is the headline of the edition on newsstands now

SANTA FE, New Mexico – For The New Mexico Sun News it is either a major scoop or “Dewey Beats Truman” déjà vu 60 years later.
“Obama Wins!” is the headline of the edition on newsstands now, complete with “special collector’s edition” in red bold typeface.
The Sun News is a bi-monthly newspaper and its Oct 26-Nov 8 issue had to hit the streets, and the newsstands, before the election. So the editors decided to make a leap of faith and declare Democrat Barack Obama the winner. More...
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If Barack Obama Was Assassinated America Would Implode!

Barack Obama has been a symbol of hope for the middle class and lower class America.

He is the only person that can save us from the Wall Street Terrorist!

If he was to be assassinated there will be a major division in this country. The country could be thrown into a revolution!

This is the second plot to assassinate him that has been discovered!


1. At the DNC-Four people are being questioned about a suspected racist sniper plot to assassinate US presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Three men and a woman have been arrested and FBI and secret service agents are investigating claims that there were plans to use a high-powered rifle with a telescopic sight to shoot Mr Obama at the Democratic Party's four-day convention in Denver.

2.

Two Men Full Of Hate! Killing Spree Planned!

WASHINGTON – Two white supremacists allegedly plotted to go on a national killing spree, shooting and decapitating black people and ultimately targeting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, federal authorities said Monday.

In all, the two men whom officials described as neo-Nazi skinheads planned to kill 88 people — 14 by beheading, according to documents unsealed in U.S. District Court in Jackson, Tenn. The numbers 88 and 14 are symbolic in the white supremacist community.

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Serious News-A Plot to Assassinate Barack Obama!

Two Men Full Of Hate! Killing Spree Planned!

WASHINGTON – Two white supremacists allegedly plotted to go on a national killing spree, shooting and decapitating black people and ultimately targeting Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, federal authorities said Monday.

In all, the two men whom officials described as neo-Nazi skinheads planned to kill 88 people — 14 by beheading, according to documents unsealed in U.S. District Court in Jackson, Tenn. The numbers 88 and 14 are symbolic in the white supremacist community.

More...
The spree, which initially targeted an unidentified predominantly African-American school, was to end with the two men driving toward Obama, "shooting at him from the windows," the documents show.

"Both individuals stated they would dress in all-white tuxedos and wear top hats during the assassination attempt," the court complaint states. "Both individuals further stated they knew they would and were willing to die during this attempt."

An Obama spokeswoman traveling with the senator in Pennsylvania had no immediate comment.

Sheriffs' deputies in Crockett County, Tenn., arrested the two suspects — Daniel Cowart, 20, of Bells, Tenn., and Paul Schlesselman 18, of Helena-West Helena, Ark. — Oct. 22 on unspecified charges. "Once we arrested the defendants and suspected they had violated federal law, we immediately contacted federal authorities," said Crockett County Sheriff Troy Klyce.

The two were charged by federal authorities Monday with possessing an unregistered firearm, conspiring to steal firearms from a federally licensed gun dealer, and threatening a candidate for president.

Cowart and Schlesselman were being held without bond. Agents seized a rifle, a sawed-off shotgun and three pistols from the men when they were arrested. Authorities alleged the two men were preparing to break into a gun shop to steal more.

Jasper Taylor, city attorney in Bells, said Cowart was arrested Wednesday. He was held for a few days in Bells, then moved over the weekend to another facility.

Until his arrest, Cowart lived with his grandparents in a southern, rural part of the county, Taylor said, adding that Cowart apparently never graduated from high school. He moved away, possibly to Arkansas or Texas, then returned over the summer, Taylor said.

Attorney Joe Byrd, who has been hired to represent Cowart, said in a written statement that he was was investigating the charges against his client and would have no further comment. Messages left on two telephone numbers listed under Cowart's name were not immediately returned.

No telephone number for Schlesselman in Helena-West Helena could be found immediately.

The court documents say the two men met about a month ago on the Internet and found common ground in their shared "white power" and "skinhead" philosophy.

The numbers 14 and 88 are symbols in skinhead culture, referring to a 14-word phrase attributed to an imprisoned white supremacist: "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children" and to the eighth letter of the alphabet, H. Two "8"s or "H"s stand for "Heil Hitler."

Court records say Cowart and Schlesselman also bought nylon rope and ski masks to use in a robbery or home invasion to fund their spree, during which they allegedly planned to go from state to state and kill people. Agents said the skinheads did not name the African-American school they were targeting.

Jim Cavanaugh, special agent in charge of the Nashville, Tenn., field office for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco Firearms and Explosives, said authorities took the threats very seriously.

"They said that would be their last, final act — that they would attempt to kill Sen. Obama," Cavanaugh said. "They didn't believe they would be able to do it, but that they would get killed trying."

He added: "They seemed determined to do it. Even if they were just to try it, it would be a trail of tears around the South."

An ATF affidavit filed in the case says Cowart and Schlesselman told investigators the day they were arrested they had shot at a glass window at Beech Grove Church of Christ, a congregation of about 60 black members in Brownsville, Tenn.

Nelson Bond, the church secretary and treasurer, said no one was at the church when the shot was fired. Members found the bullet had shattered the glass in the church's front door when they arrived for evening Bible study.

"We have been on this site for about 120 years, and we have never had a problem like this before," said Bond, 53 and a church member for 45 years.

The investigation is continuing, and more charges are possible, Cavanaugh said. He said there's no evidence — so far — that others were willing to assist Cowart and Schlesselman with the plot.

At this point, there does not appear to be any formal assassination plan, Secret Service spokesman Eric Zahren said.

"Whether or not they had the capability or the wherewithal to carry out an attack remains to be seen," he said.

Zahren said the statements about the assassination came out in interviews after the men were arrested last week.

The Secret Service became involved in the investigation once it was clear that an Obama assassination attempt was part of the plot. Obama received a Secret Service detail in May 2007, the earliest a candidate has ever been assigned protection, in part because of his status as a prominent black candidate.

"We don't discount anything," Zahren said, adding that it's one thing for the defendants to make statements, but it's not the same as having an organized assassination plan.

Helena-West Helena, on the Mississippi River in east Arkansas' Delta, is in one of the nation's poorest regions, trailing even parts of Appalachia in its standard of living. Police Chief Fred Fielder said he had never heard of Schlesselman.

However, the reported threat of attacking a school filled with black students worried Fielder. Helena-West Helena, with a population of 12,200, is 66 percent black. "Predominantly black school, take your pick," he said.

Associated Press writers Erik Schelzig in Nashville, Tenn., Jon Gambrell in Little Rock, Ark., and Eileen Sullivan in Washington contributed to this report.
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