Political Roast-Cartoons-Thanksgiving

Here are some funny political cartoons!










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Political Roast-Late Night Political Jokes

Political Roast Loves the Late Night Political Jokes!

In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, 'This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'I get it. I get it. I'm leaving.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats." --Conan O'Brien

"Everyone's talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer's lot." --Conan O'Brien



"It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, 'Wait. You mean that wasn't lemon Tang?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Finally we got some good news about the economy. Barack Obama got $800 billion to rescue the economy. All I can say is, 'Thank you, Oprah.'" --David Letterman

"That Obama is a smart, hard-working guy. And he has promised now to stabilize the economy, going to rebuild the infrastructure, create millions of new jobs, catch bin Laden. President Bush said, 'Uh, you can do that?'" --David Letterman

"A lot of people have forgotten about President Bush, but this transitional period is a busy time for President Bush as well. He's busy granting pardons. Today, he pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric." --David Letterman

"And tomorrow, President Bush will pardon turkeys. This year, I think you know the turkeys, the Lehman brothers.
Here's what I don't like about the turkeys this year, they're arrogant. These turkeys that they're going to pardon this year, they're arrogant. They're flying in from Detroit on their private jets." --David Letterman

"But right now, right this very minute, Dick Cheney is waterboarding the turkeys." --David Letterman

"Listen to this, a guy in North Carolina, a mailman, a Federal employee, a postal worker, was arrested and put in jail. You know why? He would deliver regular mail, but he wouldn't deliver junk mail. They got the guy, they arrested him, and they put him in prison. We got that guy, but still no word on bin Laden." --David Letterman

"Welcome to 'The Tonight Show.' I have some wonderful news for you. Everyone in our audience tonight is getting a Federal bailout. Congratulations!" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week." --Jay Leno

"No, I was watching one of the network financial people on cable news today. And they said, with this bailout thing, the government has set a precedent that if you're a large corporation losing money, you know, due to lack of creativity and poor business decisions, well, the government will just send you a check. So, good news for NBC. We're getting a check! Yeah!" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's people are trying to lower expectations for the new Obama administration, you know, because everybody thinks he's going to be able to fix things all at once. So the expectations are very high, but if they want to lower expectations, quit hiring the Clinton people and keep some of those Bush people on." --Jay Leno

"A political organization has filmed a new TV ad thanking Sarah Palin for all she did during the presidential campaign. Yeah. I believe the political organization is called the Democratic Party." --Jay Leno

"Now, because of the recent controversy, AIG, remember they got the big bailout, AIG? Well, they're now paying their CEO a salary, $1 a year. How many think that's fair? Yeah? How many still think he's overpaid? No, that's pretty good. I think that's a nice gesture, having the CEO work for just $1 a year. Oh, he'll still get his $300 million bonus, but the salary will be $1." --Jay Leno

"And this is true, the Big Three automakers are now talking about driving back to Washington in December. Remember the big uproar last week when they all flew to Washington in private jets? Well, now they're going to carpool. No, this is true. And to make sure there aren't any problems, they're driving a Toyota." --Jay Leno

"I tell you, the economy is bad. In fact, today -- you know the White House turkey? Turned down the pardon. Said all his money's in the market. Nothing left to live for." --Jay Leno

"Well, an estimated 271 million turkeys were raised in United States this year. That's not even counting the turkeys that are here illegally." --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She's going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is." --Craig Ferguson

"Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer." --Craig Ferguson

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Political Roast-Late Night Political Jokes

"I guess Sarah Palin is back in Alaska, where she pardoned some turkeys for Thanksgiving. So she pardons them and then right behind her, someone kills some turkeys, and it was gruesome. I honestly haven't seen a slaughter like that since November 4." --David Letterman

"I heard today that the federal government was raising, like, $40 billion to bail out Citigroup. Honestly, when you think about it, who doesn't really feel sorry for credit card companies?" --David Letterman

"NASA has developed a urine machine that will convert urine into water. Well, guess what? It's on the blink. And you thought the coffee was bad where you work." --David Letterman

"And down in Washington, D.C., the Capitol Hill Christmas tree arrived. And there is no surprise here. You know, they've got to decorate the tree. So the contract to decorate the tree, a $10 billion ornament contract, went to Halliburton." --David Letterman


"Hillary Clinton is going to be secretary of State in the Obama Administration. Well, political insiders are now saying that Barack and Hillary actually have a good working relationship, but they don't have a close personal relationship. No, wait a minute, that's Hill and Bill." --David Letterman

"In political news, it looks like Hillary Clinton accepted Barack Obama's offer to be secretary of state. Very exciting. She accepted after Barack Obama's vetting process could not find any link between her and Bill Clinton." --Jay Leno

"Another good day for the stock market. Up almost 400 points today. Yeah, listen to this. If this keeps up every day for the next three years, we'll almost be even again." --Jay Leno

"It looks like the government is going to bail out CitiGroup, yet they don't want to bail out the auto companies. See, I don't think this is fair. I mean, blue collar guys who make our cars, they don't get the bailout. But the white collar guys on Wall Street, they get the bailout. You know what I think we should do? I think they should work together. I think the guys in Detroit should keep making the cars, and the guys on Wall Street should be making the license plates. See what I'm saying?" --Jay Leno

"And the car companies don't like the word 'bailout.' They prefer to call it a '24-hour bail-a-thon! Come on down! Everything must go!'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, do you believe how much the price of gas has dropped? It's unbelievable. Given today how far it's gone down, I saw somebody driving a Prius today without a smug look on their face." --Jay Leno

"General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that's just not us.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President-elect Barack Obama gave a press conference today. He says he is united with President Bush's administration on doing everything they can to fix the economy. When asked about it, President Bush replied, 'Uh, what he said,' and then went back to packing." --Conan O'Brien

"Now, during the press conference, Obama told reporters that the economy is likely to get worse. After hearing this, John McCain said, 'That's funny. He didn't mention that during the campaign.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Astronauts on board the International Space Station are trying to fix the machine that turns urine into drinking water. Well, actually, the urine converter was fixed days ago, but the astronauts keep saying, 'You try it. No, you try it.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Today Barack Obama announced his economic team. President Bush is working closely with them. Obama said his team has many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being maybe that President Bush is working closely with them." --Craig Ferguson

"Joe Biden's replacement in the Senate has been picked. I don't know who it is yet, but that's a hell of a job. That’s a very big mouth to fill." --Craig Ferguson

"The astronauts were very busy up in the space station today, installing a machine that converts their urine into drinking water. I'm thinking, astronauts drinking their urine? America’s astronauts. Is the economy that bad? Remind me to never go to Buzz Aldrin's house for drinks again." --Craig Ferguson

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Political Roast-World Leaders Refuse to Shake Bush's Hand

Now this is a Political Roast-You Are the Leader Of THe Free World and No One Will Shake Your Hand!

Adding to the long litany of Bush embarrassments, world leaders snubbed lame-duck President Bush at a G20 photo-op by refusing to shake his hand. Watch video of the pariah-in-chief filing past a line of leaders while hanging his head in apparent shame.

And here's another video of our sad president set to music from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." (Hat tip to Best Week Ever)

As CNN's Rick Sanchez put it, Bush looks like "the most unpopular kid in high school that nobody liked."



It's no wonder. In addition to presiding over a global financial meltdown and a disastrous war, Bush will be best remembered by his international counterparts as the guy who showed up at summits and groped Germany's chancellor, cursed with his mouth full of food, addressed the Italian prime minister in Spanish, and capped everything off by bidding "goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."



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Political Roast-David Letterman-Late Night Political Jokes

John McCain announced today that he is beginning his 2010 senatorial campaign. And I'm thinking, wow! Two more years of a John McCain campaign, hey, cut me a slice of that!" --David Letterman

"But there are some nice aspects during the transition period. For example, the Bush twins gave the Obama girls a tour of the White House. It was very sweet, but the Obama girls got really scared because they heard creepy organ music coming from Cheney's underground lair." --David Letterman

"And then the Bush twins grabbed a candle and took the kids on a tour of Cheney's torture chamber." --David Letterman

"Bill Clinton, what a stand-up guy. He went to Barack Obama and he said he will do anything to help Hillary become secretary of State. He said, "Look, I'll remove my profile from eHarmony.com. And he's going to place all his interns in a blind trust." --David Letterman

"Well, here's some exciting television news. Tomorrow night, Ashley Dupre, who was involved with former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, will be interviewed tomorrow night on '20/20.' Unless of course she has to rush back to Washington to fix the economy." --David Letterman

"But we're coming out of the last few weeks, days of the President Bush Administration, and President Bush is changing a lot of laws so you've got to keep your eye on him. And what he's doing now, one of the things that really upsets me, he's taken a lot of things, a lot of stuff, off the endangered species list. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you like endangered species? Well, so I do. I had one for lunch. But I'll tell you, this taking things of the endangered species list is bad, it's really bad. In fact, it is really bad news for that thing on Donald Trump's head." --David Letterman

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Sarah Palin's Turkey Pardon Fiasco-Video

You have to watch this video to believe it. Sarah Palin appeared at a Wasilla turkey farm to engage in the time-honored practice of pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving.

Everything went fine, until she gave an interview afterward. That's when a worker in the background shoved a couple of turkeys neck-first into a death grinder while Palin yammered on, seemingly oblivious to the carnage unfolding behind her.
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Political Roast-US officials flunk test of Amerian history, economics, civics

WASHINGTON (AFP) – US elected officials scored abysmally on a test measuring their civic knowledge, with an average grade of just 44 percent, the group that organized the exam said Thursday.

Ordinary citizens did not fare much better, scoring just 49 percent correct on the 33 exam questions compiled by the Intercollegiate Studies Institute (ISI).

"It is disturbing enough that the general public failed ISI's civic literacy test, but when you consider the even more dismal scores of elected officials, you have to be concerned," said Josiah Bunting, chairman of the National Civic Literacy Board at ISI.

"How can political leaders make informed decisions if they don't understand the American experience?" he added.

The exam questions covered American history, the workings of the US government and economics.

Among the questions asked of some 2,500 people who were randomly selected to take the test, including "self-identified elected officials," was one which asked respondents to "name two countries that were our enemies during World War II."

Sixty-nine percent of respondents correctly identified Germany and Japan. Among the incorrect answers were Britain, China, Russia, Canada, Mexico and Spain.

Forty percent of respondents, meanwhile, incorrectly believed that the US president has the power to declare war, while 54 percent correctly answered that that power rests with Congress.

Asked about the electoral college, 20 percent of elected officials incorrectly said it was established to "supervise the first televised presidential debates."

In fact, the system of choosing the US president via an indirect electoral college vote dates back some 220 years, to the US Constitution.

The question that received the fewest correct responses, just 16 percent, tested respondents' basic understanding of economic principles, asking why "free markets typically secure more economic prosperity than government's centralized planning?"

Activities that dull Americans' civic knowledge include talking on the phone and watching movies or television -- even news shows and documentaries, ISI said.

Meanwhile, civic knowledge is enhanced by discussing public affairs, taking part in civic activities and reading about current events and history, the group said.

Now that is a Political Roast!

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Political Jokes-Late Night TV

It looks like Hillary Clinton might be Barack Obama's secretary of state. The secretary of state travels all over the world meeting with foreign leaders sometimes spending months away from his or her spouse. But that's just the sacrifice Bill is willing to make." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bill Clinton, what a stand-up guy, he went to Barack Obama and he said he'll do anything to help Hillary become secretary of state. He said, look, I'll remove my profile from eHarmony.com, he's going to have a motion detector installed on his fly, and he's going to place all of his interns in a blind trust." --David Letterman

"President-elect Barack Obama is still looking for a new White House dog. The search is on. In fact, do you realize he has spent more time selecting a dog than John McCain did selecting a running mate?" --Jay Leno

"President-elect Obama met with former political rival John McCain. Both men said it was a relief to put their differences aside, sit down, and really make fun of Sarah Palin." --Conan O'Brien

"According to the New York Post, Sarah Palin may appear in the season finale of Desperate Housewives. Palin said that she's seen the show several times, which more than qualifies her as an actress." --Jay Leno


"Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months." --Jay Leno

"Senator McCain and President-elect Barack Obama met, got together and had a nice visit. And Barack Obama thanked McCain for choosing that nutty Alaskan chick. And then Barack Obama said to McCain, 'Hey, I'm catching up with you. I just got a second home.'" --David Letterman

"Obama agreed to sit down and talk to McCain without any preconditions. When Sarah Palin heard about McCain meeting with Obama, she accused McCain of palling around with terrorists." --Jay Leno

"Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world." --Conan O'Brien

"It's Vice President-elect Joe Biden's birthday today. And Barack Obama bought him 12 cupcakes for his birthday, which is a smart gift to give Biden because when his mouth is full of cupcakes he can't say anything stupid." --Craig Ferguson

"Well, there was a big meeting today between Vice President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President Dick Cheney, or, as they're calling it, plugged hair meets plugged arteries. That does seem cruel. See, I prefer to call them foot-in-mouth meets shot in face." -Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney gave Joe Biden tour of the vice president's living quarters. Yeah, afterwards, Biden said he loves the house, but he'll probably turn the dungeon back into a rec room." --Conan O'Brien

"It's now being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually, this works out great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can get back to concentrating on domestic affairs." --Jay Leno

"Well, according to MSNBC, Sarah Palin could get $7 million when she signs her book deal, $7 million. You know who's really excited about this? Neiman Marcus." --Jay Leno

"Rumor is that General Motors will run out of money very soon, unless the government helps them out with a bailout. Isn't that amazing? I mean, all those times a car salesman told you he was losing money on the deal, he wasn't lying." -- Jay Leno

"President-elect Obama is meeting every day with his transition team, or in Beltway lingo, his trannies. They are helping him pick who will be in his new government. Over 7,000 presidential appointments are up for grabs. The Obama administration is making history once again by being the only place in America that is currently hiring." --Stephen Colbert

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Political Roast Pick-The Borowitz Report--Obama’s Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

Stunning Break with Last Eight Years

In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tic, which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually every time he opened his mouth.

But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.

According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate, subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off."

The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

Political Roast Pick-The Borowitz Report--Obama’s Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

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Political Roast:Senate cancels vote on auto bailout

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants to help Detroit's Big Three, but he calls off a scheduled vote on a $25 billion auto industry bailout.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Senate's top Democrat has called off a planned vote this week on a $25 billion auto industry bailout.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that he wanted to figure out some way to help Detroit's struggling Big Three but that efforts to do so had stalled.

The White House and congressional Republicans rejected Democrats' plan to dip into the $700 billion Wall Street rescue fund to finance loans to U.S. automakers.

A bipartisan group from auto industry states is working to cut a deal on a scaled-down aid package. If agreement can be reached, Reid said the Senate could still vote on it as part of a measure to extend jobless benefits.

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Political Roast-Al-Qaeda leader racially attacks Barack Obama

Al-Qaeda's second-in-command, Ayman al-Zawahiri, has used a racial slur to demean President-elect Barack Obama implying he does the bidding of whites.


Zawahiri said in an audio message, which appeared on militant web sites, that Mr Obama is "the direct opposite of honorable black Americans" like Malcolm X. He called Mr Obama a "house negro".

Osama bin Laden's Egyptian deputy and spiritual mentor added that Mr Obama's plan to deploy more US troops to Afghanistan is doomed to failure, because Afghans will resist.

It was the first public comment from the al-Qaeda leadership about Mr Obama's electoral victory.

The audio plays over still pictures of Zawahiri, Malcolm X praying, and Mr Obama with Jewish leaders.

The message came to light as a "major" Arab al-Qaeda terrorist was reportedly among six militants killed by a US missile strike in northwest Pakistan.

Pakistani security sources told a news agency that the terrorist killed was Abdullah Azzam Al-Saudi, a senior member of bin Laden's terror network.

They claimed that US intelligence officials had identified as the main link between Al-Qaeda's senior command and Taliban networks in the Pakistani border region.

The missile strike by a suspected US drone killed at least six people, and marked the first US missile attack outside of the rugged tribal regions which have become safe havens for militants linked to Taliban and al-Qaeda, one Pakistani security official said.

The target was a house in northwestern Bannu district, on the border of the tribal territory.

If his death is confirmed, Saudi would be the second high-profile al-Qaeda operative killed in recent US missile strikes near Pakistan's border with Afghanistan.

The Egyptian al-Qaeda operative Abu Jihad al-Masri, described by the US as the terror network's propaganda chief, was among several people killed in a Nov 1 missile strike in the North Waziristan region, known as a hub of Al-Qaeda and the Taliban.

Pakistan objects to the attacks as a violation of its sovereignty and argues that the strikes undermine its efforts to persuade people to support campaigns against the militants, and heightens already rampant anti-American sentiment.

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Political Roast-V.P. Dick Cheney Indicted In Texas Prison:organized criminal activity

Now this is a Political Roast-Cheney, Gonzales indicted in South Texas county

By CHRISTOPHER SHERMAN

McALLEN, Texas (AP) — Vice President Dick Cheney and former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales have been indicted on state charges involving federal prisons in a South Texas county that has been a source of bizarre legal and political battles under the outgoing prosecutor.

The indictment returned Monday has not yet been signed by the presiding judge, and no action can be taken until that happens.

The seven indictments made public in Willacy County on Tuesday included one naming state Sen. Eddie Lucio Jr. and some targeting public officials connected to District Attorney Juan Angel Guerra's own legal battles.

Regarding the indictments targeting the public officials, Guerra said, "the grand jury is the one that made those decisions, not me."

Guerra himself was under indictment for more than a year and half until a judge dismissed the indictments last month. Guerra's tenure ends this year after nearly two decades in office. He lost convincingly in a Democratic primary in March.



Guerra said the prison-related charges against Cheney and Gonzales are a national issue and experts from across the country testified to the grand jury.

Cheney is charged with engaging in an organized criminal activity related to the vice president's investment in the Vanguard Group, which holds financial interests in the private prison companies running the federal detention centers. It accuses Cheney of a conflict of interest and "at least misdemeanor assaults" on detainees because of his link to the prison companies.

Megan Mitchell, a spokeswoman for Cheney, declined to comment on Tuesday, saying that the vice president had not yet received a copy of the indictment.

The indictment accuses Gonzales of using his position while in office to stop an investigation in 2006 into abuses at one of the privately-run prisons.

Gonzales' attorney, George Terwilliger III, said in a written statement, "This is obviously a bogus charge on its face, as any good prosecutor can recognize." He said he hoped Texas authorities would take steps to stop "this abuse of the criminal justice system."

Another indictment released Tuesday accuses Lucio of profiting from his public office by accepting honoraria from prison management companies. Guerra announced his intention to investigate Lucio's prison consulting early last year.

Lucio's attorney, Michael Cowen, released a scathing statement accusing Guerra of settling political scores in his final weeks in office.

"Senator Lucio is completely innocent and has done nothing wrong," Cowen said, adding that he would file a motion to quash the indictment this week.

Willacy County has become a prison hub with county, state and federal lockups. Guerra has gone after the prison-politician nexus before, extracting guilty pleas from three former Willacy and Webb county commissioners after investigating bribery related to federal prison contacts.

Last month, a Willacy County grand jury indicted The GEO Group, a Florida private prison company, on a murder charge in the death of a prisoner days before his release. The three-count indictment alleged The GEO Group allowed other inmates to beat Gregorio de la Rosa Jr. to death with padlocks stuffed into socks. The death happened in 2001 at the Raymondville facility.

In 2006, a jury ordered the company to pay de la Rosa's family $47.5 million in a civil judgment. The Cheney-Gonzales indictment makes reference to the de la Rosa case.

None of the indictments released Tuesday had been signed by Presiding Judge Manuel Banales of the Fifth Administrative Judicial Region.

Last month, Banales dismissed indictments that charged Guerra with extorting money from a bail bond company and using his office for personal business. An appeals court had earlier ruled that a special prosecutor was improperly appointed to investigate Guerra.

After Guerra's office was raided as part of the investigation early last year, he camped outside the courthouse in a borrowed camper with a horse, three goats and a rooster. He threatened to dismiss hundreds of cases because he believed local law enforcement had aided the investigation against him.

The indictments were first reported by KRGV-TV.

Associated Press writer Deb Riechmann in Washington contributed to this report.

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Political Roast:Colbert roasts Bush

Stephen Colbert grills President to his face at the White House Press Corps Dinner


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Political Roast : Obama Emauel 2005

CSPAN rebroadcast a roast from 2005 where Barack Obama takes on his future White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel
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Political Roast Picks-The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said 'Oh, you mean we caught him?'" --David Letterman

"Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question: 'Have you ever been videotaped screaming 'God damn America!'?" --Conan O'Brien

"Sarah Palin is all over the news lately. She told Matt Lauer on the 'Today' show that, yes, the rumors were true, on election night she did want to deliver her own concession speech and she was disappointed that she couldn't. Well, she shouldn't feel bad. Wait till 2012. Deliver it then." --Jay Leno

"This is true, according to a new report, I was reading this today in the paper, thousands of pregnant mothers in this country are planning to name their baby Barack. That's true. Yeah, after hearing this, Sarah Palin told Bristol, 'Don't even think about it.'" --Conan O'Brien

"You know the Secret Service that follows the candidates around and stuff? They have nicknames for the people that they work with. Like Barack Obama, his nickname, the Secret Service called him 'Renegade.' John McCain, I think they called him 'Maverick.' President Bush's Secret Service nickname is 'Occupant.'" --David Letterman



"Alaska seems to have re-elected Senator Ted Stevens, who is 84 and going to prison. What is up with Alaska? I have a feeling, when a moose gets shot up there, his last thought is, 'I can't believe I'm losing to these a**holes'" --Bill Maher

"In Washington, D.C., today, Dick Cheney gave Joe Biden tour of the vice president's living quarters. Yeah, afterwards, Biden said he loves the house, but he'll probably turn the dungeon back into a rec room." --Conan O'Brien

"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats." --Jay Leno

"There's a new rumor that Hillary Clinton may end up Secretary of State, which means she would have to spend the next four years traveling all around the world. To which Bill said, 'Yes!'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is being very deferential to President Bush. Obama said last week, 'The United States can only have one president.' To which Bush said, 'Hey, that's not what Cheney told me." --Jay Leno

"Today is Veterans' Day, and John McCain laid a wreath at the tomb of the unknown plumber." --David Letterman

"Eearlier today, Barack Obama met with President Bush at the White House. So you had the president-elect and the president-inept, so they were there togethe … Meanwhile, John McCain, don't forget about John McCain. While all of this was going on, John McCain was waiting for his name to be called at IHOP." --David Letterman

"As you know, President-elect Obama promised his daughters a puppy if they move to the White House. And he's already getting advice on what the best breed of dog to get. For example, today, President Clinton told him the Oval Office is a great place for a husky female." --Jay Leno

"Hey, did you see this on the news? In the country of Sierra Leone, six out of ten male newborns at the Freetown main hospital were named Barack Obama. Six out of ten. Even more amazing: at least 23 babies born in North Carolina last year were named John Edwards, Jr. How about that?" --Jay Leno

"I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say things are not going well for the Republicans. Two years ago they controlled both the White House and the Congress. Soon, they'll be controlling both the Coke machine and the fry station." --Stephen Colbert

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The Daily Show-Worlds Reaction To Obama's Election-Obama Town-Video

The Daily Show-Worlds Reaction To Obama's Election
Obama Town Japan Goes Nuts!!!!!!!!
Read More To Watch Video!

For one day it seemed as if the entire world had won the Super Bowl, as spontaneous demonstrations of joy filled the streets.


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Top 5 Dumbest Bush Quotes of 2008

The Top 5 Dumbest Bush Quotes of 2008 (So Far)

5) "Thank you, your Holiness. Awesome speech!" --to Pope Benedict after he spoke at the White House, Washington, D.C., April 15, 2008

4) "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." --at a news conference, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008


3) "And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq." --to Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C., March 3, 2008

2) "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." --in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008

1) "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008


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Letterman-Top Ten Things Heard At Barack Obama's Birthday Party

10 "Where is Britney?"

9 "Hillary, get me another drink"

8 "Brett Favre hasn't decided if he's coming or not"

7 "John McCain has demanded we start drilling for oil in the punch bowl"

6 "Is Senator Craig still in the men's room?"

5 "Where's Paris?"

4 "This is the Barackiest birthday party I've ever been to"

3 No number 3 - writer watching swimming doggies

2 "Mr. Gore, please put your shirt on"

1 "Spitzer's here and he brought whores!"

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Political Roast-Best Sarah Palin Quote-Putin...

Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It's just right over the border."
--Sarah Palin

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Political Roast-Poltical Parody Pics

Here are a collection of some very funny political parody pics!











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Political Satire-Palin Hoping to be Named Ambassador to Africa

Sarah Palin of Alaska has reached out to President-elect Obama's transition team to indicate her interest in being named "ambassador to the nation of Africa," the governor confirmed today.

Gov. Palin said that although she had planned to continue in her position in Juneau, she was willing to leave the governorship "because Africa is just such a darned important country."

"I have always been very, very interested in the nation of Africa, partly because of it being located where it is," she said. "If you are standing in Africa and you look real close, you can see South Africa."

She added that she had received phone calls encouraging her to vie for the post, including one from French president Nicholas Sarkozy.

In other news from the Palin family, Bristol Palin's fiancé Levi Johnston said he was "totally stoked" about Tuesday night's election returns, calling the results "definitely a game-changer for me."
"The election of Barack Obama means different things to different people," he said. "To me, it means freedom, dude!" ...Borowitz Report

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Political Roast Pick-The Daily Show-Wyatt Cenac-Palin Is So Dumb

Political Roast Pick-The Daily Show-Wyatt Cenac-Palin Is So Dumb
Wyatt Cenac can tell you Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters
Read More Tom Watch Video

Political Roast Pick-The Daily Show-Wyatt Cenac-Palin Is So Dumb


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Political Roast Pick-Real Time with Bill Maher - Farewell Doucebags-Video

Political Roast Pick-Real Time with Bill Maher - Farewell Doucebags-Video
Read More To Watch Funny Video-

Real Time with Bill Maher- Farewell Doucebags!
A In Memoriam to the political campaign dunces of 2008. Farewell Doucebags!




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A Political Roast Pick-Obama and McCain - Dance Off-Video

Here is another great video that was out during the 2008 Election Campaign
A Political Roast Pick-Obama and McCain Dance Video
Read More To Watch The Funny Political Video!

Obama and McCain - Dance Off!
Obama and McCain get it on.. http://www.minimovie.com
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A Political Roast Pick-Headzup: McCain Picks Palin As VP

Fun Video Headzup: McCain Picks Palin As VP
John McCain announces Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential candidate. Mitt Romney
Read More To Watch Video


Fun Video Headzup: McCain Picks Palin As VP


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Sarah Palin Strikes Back-A Political Roast Of Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin Strikes Back after getting roasted by the media and backstabbed by the Republicans!
Watch More To See Video

Sarah Palin Strikes Back



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MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad

Very Funny-MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad
Read More to watch funny video!


MadTv-John McCain Ad/Barack Obama Ad



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Political Roast-The AL Smith Dinner-Obama and McCain

If you haven't seen this video of the AL Smith Political Roast of President Obama and John McCain it's well worth watching!Read More To Watch Video!



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No Justice--No Criminal Charges For Spitzer

NEW YORK ― Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will not face criminal charges following his role as a client in a high-profile prostution ring that led to his resignation in March.U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia announced his decision Thursday afternoon. "Eliot Spitzer has acknowledged to this Office that he was a client of, and made payments to, the Emperors Club VIP. Our investigation has shown that on multiple occasions, Mr. Spitzer arranged for women to travel from one state to another state to engage in prostitution. After a thorough investigation, this Office has uncovered no evidence of misuse of public or campaign funds," Garcia said in a statement...More..

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Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert-2008 Election

Watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert Cover the 2008 Election! Hilarious and kinda funny too!----Watch

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Ouch-White House First Dog Bites Reporter

Washington - Apparently, the first dog is not happy about the impending changes at the White House.
Today, Barney, bit a reporter outside the briefing room. The whole incident was caught on tape by another reporter, April D. Ryan.
Reuters political reporter Jon Decker had finished an interview with MSNBC around 10:30 a.m. when he saw Barney and his handler. After getting permission to pet the dog, Decker said Barney snapped and chomped down on his right index finger and broke the skin. More...

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The Daily Show-Jon Stewart-Sarah Palin Is So Dumb

The Daily Show-Jon Stewart-
Sarah Palin Is So Dumb...
Now that it doesn't matter, Wyatt Cenac can tell you Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters.

The Daily Show-Jon Stewart-

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Obama supporters run naked in the streets

Minneapolis - Call it naked enthusiasm. At 12:30 a.m. Wednesday, Jason Spidle, Bobby Becker and friends were celebrating Barack Obama's victory at Spidle's place in south Minneapolis. The champagne was flowing when the two made a decision they'd regret later.
"We had finished watching Obama's acceptance speech, and we were drinking champagne and cheering, and my friend Bobby and I just randomly decided we should go streaking," Spidle said. More...

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2008 campaign costliest in U.S. history

USA - The 2008 campaign was the costliest in history, with a record-shattering $5.3 billion in spending by candidates, political parties and interest groups on the congressional and presidential races. That sum marks a 27 percent increase over the $4.2 billion spent on the 2004 campaign, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, which compiled the figures. The amount spent on the presidential race alone was $2.4 billion when all candidates and related expenses are included, the center found. More...
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New Mom Names Baby Son After President-Elect Barack Obama

HOLLYWOOD, Florida - Barack Obama may have a "funny name," as he once said — but it might just catch on among the nation's newborns.
A Florida couple became among the country's first to bestow it on their child, even before most had declared the Illinois senator the president-elect.
Sanjae Obama Fisher was born at 8 p.m. EST at Hollywood's Memorial Regional Hospital to Patrick and Sasha Hall Fisher. More...

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Barack Obama Wins Big: "Change Has Come to America"

By Jay Newton-Small / Chicago

Barack Obama woke up this morning a candidate and emerged on the stage in Grant Park tonight the U.S. President.

Taking the stage to no music, Obama was sober and focused, underlining the problems he will face in the Oval Office and thanking his supporters, 125,000 of whom stood before him, for helping to elect him. "Above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to — it belongs to you," Obama said. "I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington — it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston."


Taking the stage to no music, Obama was sober and focused, underlining the problems he will face in the Oval Office and thanking his supporters, 125,000 of whom stood before him, for helping to elect him. "Above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to — it belongs to you," Obama said. "I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington — it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston."

Though the word race was on the tips of the tongues of everyone present, Obama did not dwell on the historic nature of the election, saying of the subject only, "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."

On one level, Obama's victory party was anything but intimate. When the gates opened, people poured in, many sprinting ahead to try to get as close as possible to the stage. Some plopped down on the field, staking their claim as their comrades foraged through long lines for deep-dish pizza, hot cocoa and water. Every time a state was called for Obama — or whenever Suzanne Malveaux, who was broadcasting live from Grant Park, came up on the screens — the crowd went nuts. The atmosphere felt like an upscale Lollapalooza, except the throbbing music came in staccato bursts between CNN's Wolf Blitzer calling states as the election returns came in. The weather was unseasonably warm, so Obama's followers could believe that even God is smiling down benevolently on the Illinois Senator.

On another level, those present were united in their belief that they were witnessing history. Standing in the crowd of 70,000, Sharon Glass, 48, was afraid to believe it was true — that an African American had really been elected President. "I keep waiting for something to happen that they say it's not right," said the Chicago hairstylist, who is African American.

Standing next to her was Theresa Hipp, 50. "This means that anybody can be President now — women, Latinos, blacks," said the registered nurse from Oak Park, Ill., who is white. Though the two women didn't know each other, when CNN announced on the jumbo screens that they were calling the race for Obama, they danced and hugged each other, tears in their eyes. All around them, the crowd went wild, chants of "Obama" turning to "Yes, we can."

To Jesse Jackson Sr., who broke barriers with his 1984 and '88 presidential bids, Obama's strength in the South showed how much the country has changed. "This is a huge deal and a big paradigm shift in the South," said Jackson, who arrived at Grant Park soon after the gates opened. During the primaries, former President Bill Clinton had belittled Obama's primary win in South Carolina by comparing it with Jackson's.

Senator Bob Casey of Pennsylvania said Obama's victory in his state put his mind at ease about racism in America, noting that Obama did much better with older and white voters in his state than anyone had thought possible a month ago. "I always thought there was a possible prejudice factor in the state," he said. "I hope what this means is that we've washed that away, not only in our state, but across the country."

For Oprah Winfrey, the television personality and Obama supporter, this is a "big moment for all of us." "I think he's going to do something for the world," she told a group of reporters standing before the VIP tent before doing a little jig. "This happened because we did this. We did this."

The stage in Grant Park was set to highlight the themes of the campaign: by holding the event outdoors and throwing the gates open to tens of thousands of supporters, the campaign emphasized the grass-roots nature of Obama's nearly two-year effort. The crowd was incredibly diverse, in terms of not only race but also age. There was a heavy emphasis on Chicago, from the stands hawking deep-dish pizza (a local specialty) to the setting on the banks of Lake Michigan in the heart of the city. Skyscrapers lining Grant Park featured U.S.A. and Vote 2008 written in office lights on them, and six spotlights spun dizzying patterns in the sky, adding to the movie-premiere feel of the night. Obama spoke from a podium before a semicircular row of 26 American flags, which lined a blue backdrop. On either side he was flanked by 10-by-15-ft. clear bulletproof walls, protecting him from potential snipers in the high-rise buildings that line the park.

The scene at John McCain's election-night gathering could not have been more different. For weeks, McCain's crowds had included what Sarah Palin might call "real Americans"— flag-waving red staters with hunting hats, facial hair and well-worn jeans. Classic rock and contemporary country music played at the events.

By contrast, McCain's election-night celebration had a country-club feel. The palm trees were lit with color-changing pastel lights, and the women in the crowd sipped wine in black cocktail dresses. The setting was the tony Arizona Biltmore Resort and Spa. McCain gave his address on the resort's lawn. The desert mountains were not lit, but colored spotlights astride a giant American flag provided a dynamic backdrop. More than 1,000 people cheered him on while an overflow ballroom broadcast the remarks a few hundred feet away. "Though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours," he told the crowd, flanked by his wife Cindy, his running mate Sarah Palin and her husband Todd. "I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for half a century."

Obama praised McCain for the race he ran and for his service to America. "I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead," Obama said of McCain and Palin. "The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America—I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you — we as a people will get there." Obama left the stage not to one of his bouncy campaign songs that got people clapping but to the serious theme of the movie Remember the Titans — sober music meant to underline the momentousness of the historic moment, when America elected its first black President.


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Obama wins big, Democrats crush the Republicans! Now this election was a Political Roast!

Well the Republicans and The Democrats said come out and vote, well America did! They just happen to all vote Democratic!

The Republicans had no chance with the legacy of George W. Bush hanging over their party.

Although most Americans like John McCain, they have had it with the Republicans.

The Wall Street bailout scandal was the last straw!

It has been all doom and gloom with the War, Economic crisis,high gas prices,Wall Street Bailout,foreclosures....well you get my point, there was nothing positive McCain could point too that the Republicans did in the last 8 years.

The change has come, Good Luck President Obama!

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Obama Wins The 2008 Election Prediction!

FINAL PREDICTIONS GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE (50% OF THE TIME)

Projected President-elect - Senator Barack Obama of Illinois
Total Turnout - 146,670,242 voters (68% of voting age population)
Electoral Vote - 349 Electoral Votes (Obama) to 189 Electoral Votes (McCain)
Popular Vote - Barack Obama - 50.24% John McCain - 46.73%
DETAILED BREAKDOWN STATE BY STATE




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